Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
