somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
