and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
