O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
