hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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