He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
