Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
