so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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