Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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