Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
