Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
