We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
