I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
