I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
