i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
