My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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