my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
