11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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