Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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