I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
