marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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