He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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