"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
