guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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