Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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