i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
