I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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