And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize