I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
