I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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