walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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