well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
