Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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