She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
