Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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