Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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