just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize