oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize