I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
