nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
