How'd it feel making her break her religion?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i need some magic done to my vagina
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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