And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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