she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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