Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
