No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
