Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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