Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize