Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize