the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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