Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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