I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
