You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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