i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
