I wanna passion pit in your ass
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
