Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
