Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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