i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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