he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
