I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
