Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's blow job season.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
