Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The ass gains better be worth it
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