The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
