i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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