just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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