I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize