I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
