i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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