Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
