He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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