What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
