We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
