if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Damn victory sex feels great
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