It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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