Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
