The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
