and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
