So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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