plz talk dirty to me
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
