My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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